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Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes — one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier

After the physical examination the doctor said to the elderly man,
“You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you
would like to ask me about?”

“In fact, I do,” said the old man. “After I have sex with my wife, the
first time I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex
with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, “Everything appears
to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to
discuss with me?”

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then asked, “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims
that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with
you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?”

“I’m certain that I do,” she replied. “That’s because the first time
is usually around July and the second time is usually in December.”

A representative from India began: ‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named.

When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a good opportunity to have a bath.’ He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.’

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, ‘What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren’t there then.’

The Indian representative smiled and said, ‘And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech. ‘And they say Kashmir belongs to them……..

PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROO M

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this ‘Happy event’ happened when he had not seen his wife for four years….

The man said it is common in Bihar that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, ‘What name will you give to the son?’

The man explained, ‘If it is the first neighbour that had taken care, the name would be Vedi;

If its the second neighbour,then it would be ‘DWIVEDI’;

If it is
the third neighbour then it would be ‘TRIVEDI’,

If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be ‘CHATURVEDI’;

If its the fifth neighbour then it would be ‘PANDEY’…..

After listening to this, questions followed.

What if
it is a mixture of neighbours?
‘Then the boy would be named ‘MISHRA’…

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be ‘SHARMA’….

But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be ‘GUPTA’…

If she does not remember the name then?
‘It is YAAD-AV’

But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?
Then it will be named ‘DOSHI’…

Finally, if the child happened because of wife’s burning desire?
Then he will be named ‘JOSHI’…

And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?…..
‘DESHPANDEY.’

There Is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing
On earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings

The average Dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney

Anybody who Doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
- Franklin P. Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise
-Unknown

If you pick Up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is
The principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

Dogs are Not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can’t count, Try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two Of them.
-Phil Pastoret